I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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