is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
