I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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