I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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