I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
