Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Four minutes until I can fart!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
