Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
