The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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