i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
