im about as happy as oj after his trial
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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