this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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