see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
