dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
