Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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