I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize