May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My feet surprised me
Randomize
