ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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