Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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