marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
