Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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