why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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