I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
