my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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