My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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