i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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