But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
