My room smells like vodka and shame
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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