Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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