we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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