college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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