I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
