And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
