I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
