dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
