I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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