So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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