he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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