You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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