He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
