lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
