We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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