she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
