I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
