Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
