The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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