brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
