then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
