Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
