its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
