He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
