come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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