I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
