y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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