Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
