We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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