Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize