just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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