oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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