I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
