woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
