If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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