he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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