I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
