All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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