sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
