Apparently you make a good broom.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
