Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So squirting runs in the family.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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