Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
