She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
