My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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