just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
