i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
