so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
