I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
