I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
