turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
