Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
